I AM ASEXUAL.
June is #pridemonth, and as today is reserved for #asexual pride, I’d like to talk about it. I’m not going to get into the many wonderful spectrums there are, simply because I don’t want to write an enormous post, but I encourage anyone reading this to check them out and do a little research. Also, if any of my asexual/aromantic friends read this and have anything to add, please do! If this post is inaccurate, please correct me! Let’s begin:
I am asexual.
And no, not like a plant or a multiplying cell, though that WOULD be pretty cool.
Asexuality is simply not experiencing sexual attraction. Zip. Zilch. Nada. No, that doesn’t mean we are all repulsed by sexual intercourse. Some of us are, some of us aren’t, some of us compromise when in a relationship; it really depends on the person, as is the case with everything. And yes, WE CAN DATE! We CAN have fulfilling, healthy, romantic relationships with people; we are simply not attracted to them. Now, that doesn’t mean we can’t recognize beauty. I can admire a sunset without being sexually attracted to it, right?
It’s not an overly complicated concept, but at the same time, it is. And that’s admittedly a little frustrating. Sexual attraction and sexual intercourse is an ingrained feature of our culture and society, and I totally understand why asexuality might seem to some people to be a little, well, bizarre.
It really doesn’t help that there is virtually little to no asexual representation in media which, like it or not, shapes us all and aids us in navigating our world. It’s hard to comprehend asexuality when you’ve never heard about it before, and it’s especially hard when you yourself are asexual and spend years believing that there is no such thing, that you are broken or that there’s something wrong with you. Asexuals make up about 1% of the population, last I checked, which doesn’t seem like a lot, but that’s actually (approximately, mind you) 72-74 million people! It’s kind of insane that we don’t hear about it that often, but fortunately, that is slowly beginning to change.
Being asexual is like being in no man’s land. You don’t fit in with cishets (cisgender heterosexuals), but you don’t really fit in with the LGBTQ+ community, either. You’re written off. A lot of people don’t even recognize the ace spectrum as an orientation. People accuse you of only identifying as asexual because you want to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, or because you ‘can’t get laid’ and are using asexuality as an excuse. The discrimination we face, ranging from dismissiveness to corrective rape, is generally brushed off. We’re told by doctors and therapists that we are 'probably going through a phase’ or that we are physically ill. Our orientation is often confused with celibacy or abstinence, which, if you didn’t know, is the conscious choice to NOT engage in sexual activity.
A lot of people think that we talk too much about asexuality, or that we share/post too much about it. I disagree, merely because there is absolutely no shame in embracing and celebrating who you are. The asexual/aromantic community NEEDS to be talked about more, because guess what? No one else is doing it.
If you read this post to its conclusion, I genuinely thank you. My orientation is an enormous part of my life, and I really appreciate the friends and family who support and accept me. I’ve struggled a lot with myself, never fitting in with allosexuals or understanding/keeping up with our hyper-sexualized society. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders to come to terms with myself, and I thank everyone who stayed with me for the journey.
I am not broken, and I am not invisible.
